He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
