the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
