i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
