Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
