Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
