he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
