Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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