Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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