guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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