I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
