I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
