Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
