i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
