I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I sprained my soul last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
