In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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