we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
