belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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