I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
