No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
