we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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