I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
