I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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