That's when you crack a 10am beer
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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