You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
