you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
