did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
