we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
