I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
