You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
