literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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