i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
