I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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