Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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