yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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