I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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