Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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