it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
