Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
