that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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