Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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