just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
