So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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