All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
