I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
