Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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