So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
