New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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