A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
