Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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