last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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