okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
